“youre t boy ive ever kissed,“ so me.

  it anding at teamer pier in pine knoll so get to cross t spans tracoastal atertle he island.

  no expensive beac property in tire state, but back t led against time national forest.

  “i figured i mig; i said.

  “; sly. “did i do it ; s look like soo upset if id said yes, but it ruth.

  “youre a great kisser,“ i said, giving her hand a squeeze.

  sued toting t far-off look again. s a lot lately. i let it go on for a to me.

  “are you okay, jamie?“ i finally asked.

  instead of answering, s.

  “; she asked me.

  i ran my ;you mean before now?”

  i said it like james dean o say it if a girl ever asked me t question. eric ty slick h girls.

  “im serious, landon,“ sossing me a sidelong glance.

  i guess jamie oo. ito realize, i alo be going from o loo ime t takes to s a mosquito. i quite sure if i liked t part of our relations, to be , it kept me on my toes. i ill feeling off balance as i t about ion.

  “actually, i ; i said finally.

  ill fixed on t i alking about angela, but looking back, id realized t for angela otally different from now.

  “ ; she asked me.

  i cly moving it ime to pretend i i actually .

  “ell,“ i said seriously, “you knos love o do is spend time of kno the same way.”

  jamie t about my ansly.

  “i see,“ sly. i ed for o add somet s, and i came to anotion.

  jamie may not experienced to tell you truth, she was playing me like a harp.

  during t tance, she wore her hair in a bun again.

  on neook jamie out to dinner. it real date s to a small erfront restaurant in morey, a place called flauvins. flauvins aurant ableclot pieces of silverting. ters lers, and  completely lined tc reflecting off ter.

  t and a singer, too, not every nig on to make reservations, and t time i called t i t didnt to make my grandfatill alive and all.

  it ually my moms idea to take jamie out someplace special. a couple of days before, on one of talked to my mom about through.

  “s, mom,“ i confessed. “i mean, i kno know if s i do.”

  “does s muco you?“ she asked.

  “yes,“ i said quietly.

  “ell, w ried so far?”

  “ do you mean?”

  my mom smiled. “i mean t young girls, even jamie, like to be made to feel special.”

  i t about t for a moment, a little confused. asnt t rying to do?

  “ell, ive been going to o visit,“ i said.

  my mom put a great imes stuck it to me, like i said earlier, s lady.

  “going to o do, but its not t romantic t  her.”

  my mom suggested buying some perfume, and t jamie , it didnt sound rigo me. for one t didnt alloion being tmas play-i old my mom as muc aking to dinner.

  “i dont ,“ i said to edly. t too quickly. “it builds responsibility,“ my fat once.

  “ o your money in the bank?”

  i sig in silence isfaction crossed oo, knew i was finally growing up.

  “let me t,“ sly. “you just find out if so go and if reverend sullivan . if so make it happen. i promise.”

  t to t  because i figured sed to be t o do t  exactly been ed. it- tains, t i seen ake a long time for o anso come from tchen.

  me for a long moment, then sigh deeply and shake his head before finally saying hello.

  ially open, and i saing beacles propped on financial-and i figured rying to figure out t for ters o pay.

  i knocked at terest, as if ed anotion, t it was me.

  “; i said politely. “do you ?”

  ired t feeling well.

  “; he said wearily.

  id dressed s and tie. “may i come in?”

  ly, and i entered tioned for me to sit in the chair across from his desk.

  “ can i do for you?“ he asked.

  i adjusted myself nervously in t;ell, sir, i ed to ask you something.”

  ared at me, studying me before ;does it o do ; he asked.

  i took a deep breath.

  “yes, sir. i ed to ask if it would be all rigook o dinner on new years eve.”

  ;is t all?“ he said.

  “yes, sir,“ i said. “ill bring ime youd need me to.”

  ook off acles and ting tell aking a moment to t it.

  “ill your parents be joining you?“ he asked.

  “no, sir.”

  “t t t.“ t clear it ime for me to leave. i stood from my carted to to go, i faced him again.

  “reverend sullivan?”

  ill t;im sorry for to do alreat jamie treated. but from no.”

  o look rig enough.

  “i love ; i said finally, and ention focused on me again.

  “i kno; ;but i dont to see .“ even t , i t i saer.

  “i do t to ; i said.

  ued from me and looked out tcer sun tried to force its ter.

  “en,“ he wrong decision.

  i smiled and ed to t. i could tell t ed to be alone. to see his face in his hands.

  i asked jamie an er. t t s t i told id already spoken to  on er t. t tell it looked almost as t t only didnt i understand it completely, i didnt o niger talking to my mom again, sion, and to be , it made perfect sense to me. must o tion t er o me. in a rue.

  i picked on sc asked o ly erfront to taurant. to tess stand, to our table. it ter ones in the place.

  it ime eenagers in t too out of place, though.

  jamie o flauvins before, and it took a fees to take it all in. s a my mom suggestion.

  “t; so me. “thank you for asking me.”

  “my pleasure,“ i said sincerely.

  “have you been here before?”

  “a feimes. my moto come imes won.”

  s tared at a boat t aurant, its lig s in ;its beautiful ; she said.

  “so are you,“ i answered.

  jamie blus;you dont mean t.”

  “yes,“ i said quietly, “i do.”

  e ed for dinner, and jamie and i talked about some of t fealked about tted t place. s about it-s of laug off c s out on her own.

  “ould you to take me again?“ seased.

  “absolutely.”

  dinner er finally removed our plates, tarted up. e before i o take her home, and i offered her my hand.

  at first c eac reminded too. i could see tfully at us. ts and kno time t it .

  i could be.

  after ne t young couples did back time to time sired and listless. e spent time doossing stones in ter, calked, or to t macon.

  even t er, t boter an o take imes, it seemed, s nod off before imes sream of cter all t i could barely get a word in edgewise.

  of course, spending time doing t go to udy class-i didnt to look like an idiot in front of t t more at o leave early, because s fever. even to my untrained eyes, it her face was flushed.

  e kissed again, too, t every time oget even trying to make it to second base. t any need to. tle and rig jamie ood ire life, not only by me, but by everyone.

  jamie simply ters daug to een-year-old girl s t i least, ts il sold me.

  ill never forget t day because of s sometant was on her mind.

  i ed up again, a day blustery ing er o stand close to eaco stay ed to go id asked ime, i remember t t us. te no one else cecils diner. as al communities, t on terfront in ter.

  s as so tell me somet expect o start tion as she did.

  “people trange, dont t; she silence.

  “; i asked, even the answer.

  “people at school.”

  “no, t,“ i lied.

  i kissed tle tigo me. sell t id her somehow.

  “are you okay?“ i asked, conceed.

  “im fine,“ s on track.

  “ill you do me a favor, though?”

  “anyt; i said.

  “ill you promise to tell me truth from now on? i mean always?”

  “sure,“ i said.

  sopped me suddenly and looked rig me. “are you lying to me right now?”

  “no,“ i said defensively, from noell you truth.”

  some, i kne id come to regret it.

  e started reet, i glanced at belo it mig t i even touchere.

  “people trange, dont t; she asked again.

  my breat in little puffs.

  “yes,“ i finally ans me to say it.

  “; s despondent.

  i t about it. “people reasons,“ i said vaguely, doing my best not to go any further.

  “but because of my fat because i try to be nice to people?”

  i didnt anyto do his.

  “i suppose,“ a little queasy.

  jamie seemed disened, and tle farther in silence.

  “do you trange, too?“ she asked me.

  t made me ac it at opped o me. i kissed , s the ground.

  i put my finger beneating me again. “youre a iful, youre kind, youre gentle . . . youre everyt id like to be. if people dont like you, or trange, ts their problem.”

  in ter day, i could see o tremble. mine my  i couldnt keep the words inside any longer.

  “i love you, jamie,“ i said to ;youre t t ever o me.”

  it time id ever said to anote family. to someone else, id some it . id never been more sure of anything.

  as soon as i said tarted to cry, leaning o mine. i ime t my arms all t o my c for ime. i sure o t t regret trutrut promised i would never lie again.

  “please dont say t,“ so me. “please . . .”

  “but i do,“ i said, t believe me.

  so cry even ;im sorry,“ so me t;im so, so sorry. . . .”

  my t suddenly dry.

  “; i asked, suddenly desperate to understand ;is it because of my friends and care anymore-i really dont.“ i was reaching, confused and, yes-scared.

  it took anot for o stop crying, and in time s me. sly, almost like ty street, then ran her finger over my cheek.

  “you cant be in love ; shrough red and swollen eyes.

  “e can be friends, love me.”

  “?“ i sed understanding any of this.

  “because,“ sly, “im very sick, landon.”

  t ely foreign t i couldnt compre srying to say.

  “so ake a few days . . .”

  a sad smile crossed t srying to tell me. mine as s numbed my soul.

  “im dying, landon.”